Just thoughts.

My heart is yearning for a connection. It is restless. My family is here and the time together is wonderful. There is a connection made...but it is only in one part of my heart. Friends and I have exchanged gifts and cards and words and connections are made. But again those connections only reach certain places of my heart. There is a connection made...a tugging heart string... to a heart I know but a face I don't know yet. There is a bit of ache where this connection is - a hope deferred. But still it is only one place of my heart, and it is not the point that yearns.

This day, a celebration of You. And yet I feel You absent. No, not absent. Not acknowledged. By others, yes. My own heart? ....I have nodded in Your direction, offered a pithy phrase, but for the duration of the day nothing more. Yet my heart desires to pull aside and be alone...with You.

My heart is yearning for a connection. A connection with You. Meet with me? At this late hour? The day is not yet over.

Tomorrow.

I find that tomorrow is often my worst enemy. It is a black hole swallowing up good intentions and well meant plans.

"I'll do it tomorrow."
"I'll start tomorrow."
"It can wait until tomorrow."

I am leaving vital decisions and actions in the hands of a vague concept - a non-reality. Tomorrow doesn't actually exist and yet I lean so heavily upon it, while underestimating today and the potential it contains.

The Question Is...

After an evening of wonderful conversation and stirring musical performance I found myself facing a thrilling drive home through inches of slush and driving snow. (Not to mention insane North Carolina drivers.)

To pass the time I continued the conversation in the car. God and I have great times talking when I'm driving by myself. Although I'm sure it is quite humorous to be a driver in another car looking in at me having a wonderful discussion...by myself. Sigh. Ah well.
The dialogue on the drive home consisted mainly of questions... and not always with answers to follow up.

Who...? What...? Where...? Why...? When...? How...? (I always felt a little sorry for "how," what with all the other words starting with "w." I always thought I should invent a synonym to "how" that started with "w" but, alas, this is another of my grand ideas that has yet to see fruition. One day...)

You'd be surprised how deep simple questions starting with simple words can get.

Who am I?
What is my passions/goals/desires/path/call?
Where am I headed?
Why am I so blessed?
When will I know ______? (Filled in with a myriad of words.)
How will I know ______? (Filled in with the same words as above.)

The conversation was laughably punctuated with occasional fish tailing shrieks, accurate commentary on the driving skills of others and the sporadic "Oh Lord...!"

I don't think we realize how "reactionary" our thinking and speaking can become in living our day-to-day lives. It doesn't cause a probing of the depths of mind, soul, spirit to respond to most of what we come across in everyday life. We don't stop, pause, think. Oh and I miss it. I enjoy the opportunity to intelligently discuss, dialogue, debate and disagree. Good conversation causes a stirring of stagnant waters in our minds. It forces us to recognize things in ourselves that are more easily passed over in day-to-day reactionary speech.

And what I recognized on that long trek back to the warmth of home and the safety (and lolling, sleepy seduction) of all that is familiar is that I have more questions than answers...and questions I don't even know to ask yet.

I never saw it.

Growing up in church, teenage girls are told over and over (and over) again:

Song of Solomon 2:7
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Song of Solomon 3:5
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Song of Solomon 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

I guess it makes sense that it is repeated to us so often as it is repeated often in scripture. But what I never heard or saw, in all those years, is that the verse doesn't apply to just our hearts.

We are told to "guard our hearts" but what about the responsibility we have to guard the hearts of others? Only so much depends on us, I realize, but girls we are fooling ourselves if we say we have no responsibility whatsoever.

Do not awaken love in ourselves or arouse it in others... until it so desires.

Until what so desires? It? Love. God is love. (I John 4:8) Until God so desires?

Oh...

Simple Instructions.

A dear friend calmed a tumultuous heart this evening (mine) with simple words that resounded in their captivating but simple truth:

Let your 'yes' be yes and your 'no' be no.

What a concept! As a Christian-from-the-cradle I have heard, read, glittered and sang these words since preschool. (Those last two being in VBS most likely...) But in a moment of variance, it was a constant. As I doubted, questioned and proceeded to be quite double-minded the words were solid.

Yes be yes. No be no.

There were more words those led me to:

Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. -Matthew 5:37

Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned. -James 5:12

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. -I Timothy 6:11,12

Psalm 119
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.

2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.

3 They do nothing wrong;
they walk in his ways.

4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.

5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!

6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.

7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.

8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.

9 How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.

10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.

11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

12 Praise be to you, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.

*sigh* I feel better now... more resolute. More assured. More aware that I need to delve deeply into this Word.

My True Love Hath My Heart

How can I write about you
When you are all the world?
When I know
That all that is good or just in me is only
An echo of you:
When all that I think is what you have breathed
on my heart:
and all I say
Although I am praised for it,
Is your book read aloud?

-Naomi Mitchison, 1926

Wow.

From Today.

1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. 4For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. 6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. 7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Romans 13:1-7

Lord, we continue to trust You. Lead us, guide us, protect us and our President.

Resume Writing

"Remember, your resume will only get a few seconds attention, at best! You have to generate interest right away, in the first sentence they lay their eyes on. Having an objective statement that really sizzles is highly effective. And it's simple to do. One format is:

OBJECTIVE: An xxx position in an organization where yyy and zzz would be needed (or, in an organization seeking yyy and zzz).

Xxx is the name of the position you are applying for. Yyy and zzz are the most compelling qualities, abilities or achievements that will really make you stand out above the crowd of applicants. Your previous research to find out what is most important to the employer will provide the information to fill in yyy and zzz."

http://www.rockportinstitute.com/resumes.html

Very helpful website for those of you needing to write or rewrite your resume! It can be a daunting task... and a haunting one...

Every spring I am reminded...

The most important thing my grandmother ever taught me... ever did with me... was planting daffodil bulbs.

One day a few years ago I was sitting in front of a computer screen when my grandmother puttered by with gloves, a trowel and a bag of dirty lumps. "Come on," she said, "its about time you learned to plant something."

I tried to reason with her and told her that I had become an expert at planting my self. I could plant myself in front of the tv, at the table, on the hammock...

She was not amused.

So I followed her outside and found myself kneeling in the dirt on a cold November day and digging little holes. After I would get each hole 3-4" deep my grandmother would hand me a clod of dirt-encased bulbs and we would plant them.

The activity itself was fun. It was a beautiful, albeit frigid day, and I enjoyed the time with my grandmother. But what I didn't know is the exponential enjoyment I would receive a few months later as I saw tiny green shoots emerge from the muddy ground. Life. The first signs of spring.

And it wasn't just that January, but every January since. These bulbs lay dormant for 3/4 of the year, amid scorching heat, drought, frost and flood. (We don't get snow here.) And then, and for some reason always unexpectedly, there they are. Pushing up through the dirt without anyone's help.

I'm ruminating on this...

Boots.

I love boots. They are stylish and often comfortable. But the number one reason I love boots is that they allow someone to appear completely color coordinated and put together when in actuality they are wearing pink princess socks that don't match anything.