Crossroads.

I need direction. A myriad of paths are before me... but I can not fathom setting out on any of them in my own wisdom. I want His best. I need His leading. I desire His guidance.

Oh Father... where am I to go? What am I to do?

"my soul felt its worth..."

Downtown on the steps of the Millennium Center I stood, numb hands grasping a small, wax candle. As the pastor spoke and his words rippled through the crowd of my brothers and sisters, as well as the curious onlookers, I contemplated this past year. As I allowed my heart and mind to grow quiet my reflections took me even further back, back to when my heart, like the candle, was formed of cold, hard wax. Unbending. Unbreaking.
And as I reflected I noticed a glow spreading through those gathered together against the biting wind. From one to another it grew, until finally someone turned to me, extending a flame to light the wick I held. My candle ignited and the warm glow quickly spread from my hands to my face to my heart.
And then, just as quickly, a gust of wind extinguished my unprotected flame. My revere was snuffed out as well. There I stood in the midst of a crowd of lit faces, holding a candle the same as theirs but feeling like a fraud. Mine was not lit.
Someone reached out and re-lit my candle. The light once again illumined my face. And as I began to join in to "Silent Night" my soul, once again warmed, heard the precious voice of my Savior, "a wick can always be re-lit."

Merry Christmas. Remember this season His Love and His Grace.

The North Wind.

I'm feeling that North Wind start to tug again. I'm feeling at times a gentle nudge and at other times a strong pull to be on the move again. Will this gypsy blood of mine ever settle down?

I am content. Truly. For the first time I have really learned and been given the grace to live out that secret to being content. Is it 100% of the time? No. But 89.2%? Yes.

Even with this contentment with what I have and where I am at I find still that I am unsettled with who I am and what I am accomplishing. There has got to be more that He has called me to do than to "get by" when it comes to work.

I am odd. I recognize this fact. But I think it is partly that oddity that I have cause to wonder what specific tasks He has formed me to be able to accomplish.

Time is flying by. I have been given this season where I am relatively free of obligation. Nothing is really tying me down to any specific place or position. I want to make the most of this time. I want to be productive.

My desire is to be used by Him, for His glory. What am I doing now that could be classified as such?

I cry out, "here am I! Send me!" but I do not know where to go.

What has been going on since November 28??

Something is happening. Something is changing. I feel like I unknowingly stepped through or across or around something and now I am in a world that I don't understand. Playing a game of which the rules are new and foreign to me.

I can't tell you how many times in the past few weeks I have found myself uttering, "what in the world?"

Oh dear... this will be either really good or not so much.