.Dice.

One night I had a dream. I stood on the corner of a busy intersection and looked around me. To my right I saw a girl, standing by a chain link fence. Her eyes longingly peered through the wire, observing the activity on the other side.
I too looked and saw a group of children crouched down on the ground, huddled in a tight circle. From the children came shouts, cries, laughter and sobs, alternating in intensity. Looking closer, I saw dice being tossed and the gathered participants and onlookers followed their bouncing, clattering tumble until they came to rest in the dirt. When the numbers were read the shouts and cries would go up again. One of the children would give something to another- sometimes out of a clenched fist and sometimes with a careless toss and shrug of the shoulders.
My eyes went again to the little girl who stood on the outside with me. I could see now that with one hand she held on to the fence and with the other she clutched tightly something hidden from my view.
I stepped closer. The girl's face held a look of innocence but her eyes betrayed a mind deep in thought. I called out to her but she didn't answer. I came nearer and yet she didn't respond. I reached out and touched her and there was no reaction. I began to realize that she could not observe me, only I her.
At this, I took hold of her hand and saw what she so tightly held. Her white knuckles and strained fingers grasped several beautifully cut gems. I saw colors of emerald, ruby, sapphire and diamonds. It never crossed my mind to question where or how the child had received the gems - in my dream I knew they had been give to her to hold.
As I studied her face and looked from her to the group of children throwing dice and back to her again, I understood the thoughts her eyes were reflecting. I looked again to the huddled mass of children, covered in the dire they sat it, tossing dice at their feet. In my dream I stepped through a hold in the fence and drew closer to the group. They could neither see or hear me, again I could only observe. I saw that as the dice fell and dictated a winner and lower in the toss, the latter would hand a number of pebbles to the former.
The young girl behind me stepped through the same gap in the fence. She drew closer to the group, precious stones in hand. Her eyes looked hungrily towards the circle of little gamblers. I then knew fully her intentions. She didn't see that what the children were gambling with were pebbles while she held a vast treasure in her hands.
I turned to her frantically. I tried to call to her, to hold her back, to remove her from this place and set her back on the other side of the fence. It was all in vain. She neither saw or heard me, not reacted to my touch. With growing dread I watched her move in among the group and take a seat in their circle. It wasn't long before someone handed her the dice.
She held them in her hand while still clutching the gems in the other. It seemed an eternity passed as I watched the flickering shadows of debate flash in her eyes. Several times she glanced back towards the fence and then again at the dice in her hand. However the shadows soon grew still and were replaced with a silent resignation. My heart screamed as I saw her toss the dice.
In my dream I was watching their jumbled trajectory... I now know I should have kept my eyes on her face. When next I looked, it was changed. The innocence was gone. My breath tore from my lungs. I would say I didn't recognize the face, for its appearance was different from the girl I first saw. But the face was one I knew well. It was my own.
And in my dream I watched my past play out in the dirt of that city street corner. One by one, the gems were lost in the rolling of the dice. Occasionally the dice would roll in my favor but I only received pebbles in return. Soon the precious stones held little value and with each loss they were tossed away with greater ease and carelessness.
I stepped back in my dream, leaning hard against the fence. Fighting the tears, I clutched my chest. My heart beat against my ribs in response to my holding back the sobs. I had been powerless to stop it now - but as a girl I had walked into it on my own free will.
Gently, my thoughts reminded my emotions that the precious stones I had lost had been restored. I looked to the circle of children and saw a tall, broad shouldered man approaching the cluster. He stepped forward with confidence, took the young girl, me, by the hand and pulled her out of the dirt. He brushed off her dress, wiped the dirt from her face, kissed her gently and led her back through the hole in the fence. I looked down at my hand and yes, there the gems were, cut a little differently but still reflecting the afternoon light. With my other hand I felt my face. No, the innocence was still gone - replaced with a wisdom from hard lessons learned.
With this knowledge and one last glance towards the tight circle of gamblers I turned and stepped back through the fence.
To my surprise, in my dream, I saw another young girl come down the sidewalk and stop at the fence where the first one had. She peered through and I looked at her hand. Knuckles white, she held a fistful of precious gems.
I stepped towards her, curious to see if it would again be my face I saw. She turned and looked at me. She could see me. The same questions burned in her eyes; the very ones that I had seen in the eyes of the first girl, the ones I had once myself been asking. The young girl held out her clenched fist and asked, imploringly, "Please, have you played this game? Can you tell me what these are worth?"

Words.

My head and heart were overflowing with words so I started this blog...

...and they all scampered away.