The White Stone

George MacDonald

Revelations 2:17

"The giving of the white stone with the new name is the communication of what God thinks about the man to the man. It is the divine judgment, the solemn holy doom of the righteous man, the "Come, thou blessed," spoken to the individual... The true name is one which expresses the character, the nature, the meaning of the person who bears it. It is the man's own symbol-his soul's picture, in a word-the sign which belongs to him and to no one else. Who can give a man this, his own name? God alone. For no one but God sees what the man is... It is only when the man has become his name that God gives him the stone with the name upon it, for then first can he understand what his name signifies. It is the blossom, the perfection, the completeness, that determines the name : and God foresees that from the first because He made it so : but the tree of the soul, before its blossom comes, cannot understand what blossom it is to bear and could not know what the word meant, which in representing its own unarrived completeness, named itself. Such a name cannot be given until the man is the name. God's name for a man must be the expression of His own idea of the man, that being whom He had in His thought when He began to make the child, and whom He kept in His thought through the long process of creation that went to realize the idea. To tell the name is to seal the success - to say, "In thee also I am well pleased."

I sobbed as I read this. He has whispered to me my name... and to be reminded that He knows that I will indeed live up to that name in the end is decadent encouragement that the race is worth running, the struggle worth the pain.

Read it again, and sit quiet. Do you know the name He calls you by?

"God's name for a man must be the expression of His own idea of the man, that being whom He had in His thought when He began to make the child, and whom He kept in His thought through the long process of creation that went to realize the idea. To tell the name is to seal the success - to say, "In thee also I am well pleased."

Just Thoughts.

I think I'm a lot more introverted than people realize. Than even I realize maybe.

When given the opportunity I will, like most, complain that there is nothing to do. But then when something comes up I usually would rather stay home.

I enjoy people. But being around people drains me. So I enjoy it, as long as I have time to recharge.

Just thoughts.

Some favorite Latin phrases.

ab imo pectore "from the bottom of my heart"

amor vincit omnia "love conquers all"

Ductus exemplo "Leadership by Example"

nunc scio quid sit amor "now I know what love is"

pax Dei "peace of God"

Pro deo et patria "For God and Country"

quando omni flunkus, mortati "When all else fails, play dead"

sapere aude "dare to be wise"

semper fidelis "always faithful"

semper paratus "always prepared"

si vis pacem para bellum "if you want peace, prepare for war"

sic vita est "thus is life"

sola gratia "by grace alone"

temet nosce "know thyself"

tuebor "I will protect"

verba volant, scripta manent "words fly away, writings remain"

veritas vos liberabit "the truth will set you free"

mundus vult decipi "the world wants to be deceived"

Magna res est vocis et silentii temperamentum "The great thing is to know when to speak and when to keep quiet"

Sermo datur cunctis; animi sapientia paucis "Speech is given to many; intelligence to few"

Terra firma "Solid ground"

Carpe Diem! "Seize the day"

Veni, vidi, vici. "I came, I saw, I conquered"

Vir sapit qui pauca loquitur. "It is a wise man who speaks little"

Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt. "When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults."

Errare humanum est "to err is human" (mistakes are human)

Stercus accidit "#### happens"

In Vino Veritas "In wine there is truth" (People say what they really mean when they're drunk)

Fronti nulla fides "No reliance can be placed on appearance"

Nemo nisi mors "No one but death shall part us"

Homines libenter quod volunt credunt "Men freely believe what they want to"

Trahimur omnes studio laudis "We are all attracted by the desire for praise"

Vademecum "go with me"

tabula rasa "a clean slate"

Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur "Even a god finds it hard to love and be wise at the same time"

Amat victoria curam "Victory favors those who take pains"

Ductus exemplo "Leadership by Example"

Dulcius ex asperis "through difficulty, sweetness"

Facta, non verba "actions, not words"

and last but not least...

Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum videtur "whatever has been said in Latin seems deep"

Why the Embarrassment?

I called a local bookstore today inquiring as to whether or not they carried a certain book.

They found that statement as vague as you did.

So I hemmed a little... and mentioned the author's name.

They asked me to narrow it down for them.

I hawed. Deep breath... ok, "It's called Get Married."

There. I'd said it. I'd admitted it.

"Getting married! Aw, are you getting married? Congratulations!"

Oh. My. Word. Could they have said anything worse?

"Um, er, uh no. It's Get Married. Not Getting. It's more of a directive statement rather than a description."

"Oh. Ok then. I, I'll check on that for you..."

"Thanks."

Ok, now why was this exchange so difficult for me? Why was I so uncomfortable asking a perfect stranger who works at a bookstore about the current stock of a particular volume? I'm sure it is not an unusual type of request for them...

Why is it so uncomfortable, as a female, to talk about my desire for marriage? Why does it feel like I am breaching some social code with any admittance to the preparation and anticipation of marriage?

Oh, it's easy to talk about it with my girlfriends. Often. And in detail. But why is it that outside of the safe zone of down comforters, mugs of steaming tea and whispered secrets is it so intimidating to discuss my joyful expectations?

Why does it make me think that I should feel weak? backwards? foolish?

I don't feel those things. But something somewhere tells me I should.

Being one who doesn't mind the occasional social blunder in the name of good humor, I changed my tone for the next call. (The first bookstore not having the desired read.)

"Hi, hope you can help me. I'm looking for a book called, Get Married." (There, I'd said it with no embarrassment. One point for me.)

"I'm not sure... let me check on that for you. Are you getting married?"

(No, but I'm going to re-evaluate my pronunciation abilities.)

"Not yet. That's why I'm looking for the book." (Ha. Take that unspoken secret hush-hush code!)

"What's it about?"

I then proceeded to have a fantastic ten minute conversation with this random bookstore clerk about marriage, preparing for marriage, anticipating marriage, friends who are feeling the same way, why isn't it discussed more?

What a connection! Shadows of depth flitting throughout the conversation. With a total stranger. Why? Because we shared something. As if each of us had this secret and just found out that we carried the same one.

I know I, at least, came away encouraged.

Speak. Boldly.

Days from Hades only last 24 hours...

Today was, by far, one of the worst days of this year. The enemy laid it on thick.

But guess what! I survived it.

By God's grace I survived the worst day in my recent history.

That's almost enough to make me smile - that and now Monday is officially over.

Sunday's Thoughts

"We are and remain such creeping Christians, because we look at ourselves and not at Christ; because we gaze at the marks of our own soiled feet, and the trail of our own defiled garments... Each, putting his foot in the footprint of the Master, and so defacing it, turns to examine how far his neighbor's footprint corresponds with that which he still calls the Master's, although it is but his own. Or, having committed a petty fault, I mean a fault such as only a petty creature could commit, we mourn over the defilement of ourselves, and the shame of it before our friends, children, or servants, instead of hastening to make the due confession and amends to our fellow, and then, forgetting our own paltry self with it's well-earned disgrace, lift our eyes to the glory which alone will quicken the true man in us, and kill the peddling creature we so wrongly call our self."
- George MacDonald

Read it two or three times to let it sink in. It sank in for me - and it hurt as it did so.

"Specialization is for insects."

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

-Robert A. Heinlein

Determination.

Hurricane or no hurricane - I'm going to the beach!

Typos can kill.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/04/duck.stamps.ap/index.html

The reason I will now edit everything I do all the more closely.

Silence.

I've figured something out : I crave silence.

I do. There is a certain percentage of each day that, I think, should be spent with silence. Even if you have to speak, speak without any background noise.

Do you realize how much constant noise permeates our daily lives?

Unfortunately, my family does not value silence as much as I do. When my mom gets up, she starts her music. Granted, it is wonderful worship music, but it is constant. Constant.

Stop the madness!

Every time I have a chance to be alone at the house or in my car I relish the opportunity to turn everything off! Shh.... hear it? No? Perfect.

This is actually a very helpful revelation of myself. I was growing frustrated and testy (not a good thing) and I found myself with nerves overwrought (also not a good thing). Something was bothering me, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Now I know!

It actually startled me, when everyone left the house this morning and I hopped up and enthusiastically shut off everything that was emitting sound, how the silence that descended was so freeing. I found myself breathing deeper... or maybe even breathing again. (I hadn't realized I was holding my breath.) My jaws hurt a little from now having unclenched teeth and... wouldn't you know it, the words that I've been trying so desperately to formulate and commit to paper are finally flowing freely from my brain to my tap-tapping fingers on the keyboard.

Silence.

Whew.

My Desperation.

What keeps me from God the most is my own perceived self sufficiency. I don't feel the desperate need for Him. Oh, there is a desperate need - but it is misappropriated and mislabeled. My desperation for Christ is divided into several desperations for things much less needed. These desires I fulfill, satiating the true desire for Him.

This, actually, fills me with some amount of relief - along with a heavy conviction. I was afraid. Afraid that I had no desire for Him.

I do. A desperate desire.

Now let me fulfill it only in Him.

My mother never did care for pie.

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." --Tenneva Jordan

I nearly cried. That, my friends, is my mother in complete description.