Why the Embarrassment?

I called a local bookstore today inquiring as to whether or not they carried a certain book.

They found that statement as vague as you did.

So I hemmed a little... and mentioned the author's name.

They asked me to narrow it down for them.

I hawed. Deep breath... ok, "It's called Get Married."

There. I'd said it. I'd admitted it.

"Getting married! Aw, are you getting married? Congratulations!"

Oh. My. Word. Could they have said anything worse?

"Um, er, uh no. It's Get Married. Not Getting. It's more of a directive statement rather than a description."

"Oh. Ok then. I, I'll check on that for you..."

"Thanks."

Ok, now why was this exchange so difficult for me? Why was I so uncomfortable asking a perfect stranger who works at a bookstore about the current stock of a particular volume? I'm sure it is not an unusual type of request for them...

Why is it so uncomfortable, as a female, to talk about my desire for marriage? Why does it feel like I am breaching some social code with any admittance to the preparation and anticipation of marriage?

Oh, it's easy to talk about it with my girlfriends. Often. And in detail. But why is it that outside of the safe zone of down comforters, mugs of steaming tea and whispered secrets is it so intimidating to discuss my joyful expectations?

Why does it make me think that I should feel weak? backwards? foolish?

I don't feel those things. But something somewhere tells me I should.

Being one who doesn't mind the occasional social blunder in the name of good humor, I changed my tone for the next call. (The first bookstore not having the desired read.)

"Hi, hope you can help me. I'm looking for a book called, Get Married." (There, I'd said it with no embarrassment. One point for me.)

"I'm not sure... let me check on that for you. Are you getting married?"

(No, but I'm going to re-evaluate my pronunciation abilities.)

"Not yet. That's why I'm looking for the book." (Ha. Take that unspoken secret hush-hush code!)

"What's it about?"

I then proceeded to have a fantastic ten minute conversation with this random bookstore clerk about marriage, preparing for marriage, anticipating marriage, friends who are feeling the same way, why isn't it discussed more?

What a connection! Shadows of depth flitting throughout the conversation. With a total stranger. Why? Because we shared something. As if each of us had this secret and just found out that we carried the same one.

I know I, at least, came away encouraged.

Speak. Boldly.