I Surrender the Facade.

It's no wonder I haven't been able to blog faithfully or why I have tended to keep things shallow when I do take the time to write things out. There are issues I'm faced with that I haven't wanted to deal with. Sometimes I feel like I'd rather give in to the pull of the waves than to continue the fight to stay afloat. It just seems like it'd be easier, you know? Like there would be relief in it.

It's a lie.

What is temptation? It is a veiled promise of something desired without truly fulfilling that desire in the end. It finds us at our weakest point and whispers seductively of a solution, however short term it may be, to the problem. It is the poison mixed with sugar, designed to be easily swallowed. It is the fish hook, the arrow point, the instrument of torture that goes in smooth only to rip a savage wound as it finishes its course by being torn from its victim.

Desire is to be expected. It, in itself, is not sin. When it is not dealt with though properly and immediately it gives birth to sin.

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death." James 1:12-15 ESV

I see it more clearly as weeds in a garden plot. The seed is planted. The shoot emerges. When full grown the weeds are death to the surrounding plants. Seeds often slip in without our noticing. (Lord, give me discernment.) When the shoots appear and the evidence of the seeds is seen it is sometimes not given our attention. What harm can a little green shoot do? (Lord, give me wisdom.) But when full grown, with roots that have grown stronger and more widespread over time, the removal of the weed is difficult, painful, and disruptive to the surrounding soil. (Lord, give me strength.)

"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

I hate that it is the very thing that Christ has freed me from that I continue to find myself giving in to. I was bought with a price and yet I often treat my freedom as a curse and submit myself again to the oppression I know all too well.

Temptation offers to me (freedom) that which I already have been given! And time and again, I fall for what is extended to me.

I was humbled by a song I heard this morning by Jars of Clay.

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
I sought the company of fools instead of friends

Chorus:
You know I've been unfaithful
with lovers in lines
while you're turning over tables
with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
thought that love would never find
hanging ropes will never keep you
and your love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind

Tryin' to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
for solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
than be broken by a lover i don't understand
'cause i don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
and love that shames the wise
betrays the hearts deceit and lies
and breaks the back of foolish pride

love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind
love of a jealous kind



I've been a fool. Again. Will this tumultuous cycle never end? I long for heaven and the day that I don't have to wake up knowing that it will be a fight to pursue holiness. I desire it. I do. But I allow myself to grow weary in well doing.

Thank you for those who have encouraged me to continue the fight and for shielding me often times when I was too exhausted to put up a defense much less an offense. I am spiritually out of shape - and no wonder, considering my diet and exercise regimen of the last several months. I covet your prayers as I allow God to help me pick myself up out of the dust once again, brush off my butt and keep on with this journey. It is worth it. I know.

Where's my sword? It's time to get back in this battle.